I stood at home plate, watching the pitcher take the rubber. The count was two balls and two strikes. A cold sweat began to roll down my cheek. I gripped the bat a little tighter, hoping to find an outlet for my anxiety. The pitcher broke into his windup. Where is he going to pitch the ball? I thought nervously. Will it be low and away? Will it be up and in? Will it hit me?
The ball came careening through the air.
“Swing!” my coach screamed.
“Strike three!” The ball had gone right down the middle of the plate. But the bat was still on my shoulder.
It was a familiar scene. I stood still after watching a perfect pitch whiz by me. I would always find myself treading back to the dugout in dejection, thinking about the opportunity that I had just let go by. And I would always take a seat on the bench and wait for my coach to approach me.
“Why didn’t you swing?” He would ask.
“I’m not sure,” I would always reply, shaking my head.
“Don’t hold back, Adam, just swing!”
“I know, I know.”
I struggled during games, but my performance during batting practice made me look like an all-star. I stood with confidence as a coach would toss pitches to the perfect location. I could expect each pitch to be perfect, and I would never let a ball reach the catcher’s mitt. Right field, left field, left field bleachers – I would shower the ballpark with long line drives. I knew that the coach was working with me, giving me pitches that I could clobber. But I collapsed in the face of an unpredictable and competitive opponent, unable to summon my batting practice prowess.
* * *
It was 7:34 A.M. on the first day of our move from the middle school to the high school. I sat in a room full of strangers. As I remained silent, the others talked and laughed, enjoying the final moments before the teacher began class. I felt awkward as I kept to myself, but I didn’t know what to say to them. I had spent years nurturing my own friendships from elementary school and middle school. I hoped that my friends from Bethany and Woodbridge would remain in most of my classes, but this one seemed to be overrun by students from Orange. How could I open up to these tight-knit friends without seeming like an outsider? Stumped, I settled on waiting for the teacher to arrive.
“Hey,” said a voice from behind. I waited for a boisterous conversation to begin between the people sitting behind me. The seconds passed, but I heard nothing.
“Hello?” I turned around, surprised to find that the girl was looking directly at me. “I was talking to you, ya know….”
Before I could respond, the teacher rifled through the door. I turned around and opened my notes as she began the class.
* * *
“Strike one!” I watched another ball pass through the middle of the strike zone. It was as if an artist planted a still-life statue of my batting stance in the batter’s box before each of my at bats.
“Swing!” I heard my coach’s voice scream from the bench. It was becoming an increasingly common command to me, but it seemed easier said than done.
“Strike two!” Another perfect pitch popped in the catcher’s mitt.
“Time!” my coach yelled. He trotted out of the dugout and met me near the batting circle.
“You are going to swing at this pitch,” he told me directly. “No matter what.”
“What if it’s a ball?” I questioned. “I don’t know where he’s gonna throw it.”
“I don’t care,” he replied. “Swing.”
He walked back to the dugout, leaving the word to echo in my mind. “Swing.” I became tense as I stepped into the batter’s box and took my stance, but my coach’s message rang in my ears. I had no choice but to swing away. As the ball zoomed towards the plate, I uncoiled my hips and brought the bat across the strike zone, just hoping to make contact.
PING! I looked towards the outfield to see the ball headed towards the left-center field gap. Surprised for a moment, I quickly collected myself and ran towards first base. In a matter of seconds, I was standing on second with a double.
I remained standing on the base for a few moments, still in shock over my hit. I had swung my hardest, but I didn’t expect anything to come of my effort. I was hoping only to put the ball in play, and I was rewarded with an extra base hit. I looked back towards my coach with pride.
“You can’t do that unless you swing!” he screamed, smiling.
* * *
It was 7:34 A.M. on the second day of our move from the middle school to the high school. I sat in a room full of strangers. The scene was no different than it had been the previous day. I watched as my classmates talked with each other, but remained silent in my timidity.
I thought back to the girl who sat behind me. I shuddered at the awkwardness with which our last exchange had ended. I wanted to be friendly with her, to gain a friend in this foreign environment of high school. However, I didn’t know what kind of reaction to anticipate from her after the previous day.
Swing!
When I heard the order rise from within my mind, I began to entertain a new train of thought. Why not be friendly? I asked myself. The situation between us was unquestionably awkward, but was it worth it to allow the opportunity at friendship to pass by? I could not know what to expect from her response, but if I failed to even attempt to create a connection, I could never hope for the growth of a friendship. Swing away, I thought to myself. I took a deep breath and turned around in my seat.
“Hey,” I said shyly.
She smiled. “Hey,” she said back.
You can’t do that unless you swing! I heard my coach say from the back of my mind.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
The Value of Life
In his 1950 book Childhood and Society, psychoanalyst Erik Erikson first published his eight stage theory regarding human development. At different periods of one’s life, he claimed, a person undergoes emotional conflicts specific to his or her age. He described the eighth and final stage of mental development as a clash between “integrity” and “despair.” Integrity is defined by a general sense of fulfillment with one’s life and contributions to society, while despair describes a feeling of disappointment when remembering failures and shortcomings. As people lead their lives, they are solely concerned with the present, unaware of how they will reflect upon themselves in the future. However, in essence, the ultimate goal which dictates a life’s direction is the ability to reflect upon one’s past with contentment and satisfaction.
A person determines the value of his life based upon the degree to which he meets his own personal aspirations. Such aspirations can involve material ambitions, such as wealth or success in an occupation, or mental goals, like the achievement of Nirvana by Buddhist monks. In addition, each individual’s aspirations are highly personal, unable to be fully comprehended by others. For example, a political dissident sees himself as living a fulfilling life by acting to correct social injustice, while a staunch conservative may view the dissident’s life as a hopeless rebellion against societal stability. Therefore, because one’s opinion regarding the value of a specific lifestyle is so subjective, people rarely share the same specific criteria for their own goals. The value of a life can only truly be determined by the person leading that life.
Nevertheless, as people mature, their outlooks on life and personal ambitions often change. For example, an adolescent may aim to achieve a dynamic sex life, spending hours working out after school and frequenting numerous parties on weekends. However, after exposure to the realities of the adult world upon searching for post-high school employment, the young adult may wish that he had valued scholastic success during his high school career. As an adolescent, he lived what he had previously seen as a meaningful life, but an alteration of his personal ideals resulted in a change in the perceived value of his past.
Therefore, in a way, humans are constantly evaluating the value of their lives at all different stages of their development. Due to ignorance regarding the facts of life, younger people may value ideals which they will regret following the attainment of wisdom through experience. However, at the time which a person holds such ideals, he sees himself as leading a valuable life in the pursuit of personal goals. At each step in a person’s maturation, the person sees meaning in his life in that he is striving to achieve his aspirations. While in life’s final stage, a person’s satisfaction with his past is derived from whether personal achievements for past goals are compatible with values obtained from a lifetime of acquiring worldly wisdom.
Upon reflecting on my own desires, certain personal goals become particularly evident to me. One aspiration on which I place particular importance is the realization of my intellectual potential. Over the course of my high school career, I have been preparing for admission into a respected college, entrance into a lucrative field of business, and, hopefully, life in a prosperous and comfortable household. However, my personal aspirations regarding my future career go beyond material goals. I often observe as adults in society lament the fact that they never “pushed” themselves as hard academically or financially as they should have, regretting that they were never able to reach their personal potential. I plan to continue to work towards fostering my mental and personal growth, reaching a high level of accomplishment in my future line of work. I hope not only to attain an affluent lifestyle through excelling in my career, but to attain the ability to reflect on my past and know that I achieved what I had set out to achieve.
While realizing my goals for my own potential, I also hope to win the respect of my peers. For some people, hope for the broad recognition of personal accomplishments extents to a desire for wide-ranging fame. In a way, these people hope to quash their personal uncertainty regarding the value of their abilities and achievements by receiving widespread laudation for their accomplishments. My own aspirations regarding winning the respect of others would be satisfied with a much smaller range of outside acknowledgement. As with those desiring fame, receiving admiration from others would help me to appreciate my success in achieving my own potential. However, winning the respect of my peers would give me a sense of contentment in my ability to positively influence others and to be a valuable member of society.
Individualism and the ability to dictate my own future represents another ideal which I hope to maintain during my life. All too often, people conform to society’s demands and expectations of them. I cannot begin to describe the number of times I have been told to become a doctor by family members, teachers, and other adults. As a result, at an earlier stage of my life, I truly believed that I would grow up to be a doctor. However, in recent years, I have grown to realize that I have not yet decided on a specific profession for my future. I may, one day, decide that I do wish to become a doctor. However, my decision will ultimately be based on my own desires and preferences rather than the suggestions of others. I value the fact that I will have the ability to determine individually the type of life which I want to lead.
While my personal ambitions are clearly important to me, I cannot ignore my desire for friendship and love throughout my lifetime. Love and relationships help to provide people with a sense of stability and social “belonging.” Receiving respect from colleagues for accomplishment in a profession gives people the knowledge that they are appreciated by society for their specific skills. However, people must also be made to feel that they are appreciated by society on a personal level. Both giving and receiving love make humans feel that they are valued by others not only for their abilities, but for their fundamental characteristics as human beings. Friendship and love are essential goals in the pursuit of a meaningful role in society.
Until this point, I have listed personal aspirations which are largely aimed at achieving self-contentment upon reaching life’s final stage rather than self-contentment in the present. For example, although realizing my abilities would be rewarding, it would require a good deal of labor and self-sacrifice, potentially detracting from my present level of happiness. Therefore, as a final personal goal, I hope to maintain a level of contentment regarding the present throughout all stages of my life. As an honors student, I have constantly had to refrain from spending time with friends or pursuing non-academic goals in order to complete my studies. Such decisions may have been beneficial for my future plans regarding college and career, but detracted from my current state of happiness. While achieving contentment with one’s past is unquestionably important, equally important is the enjoyment of the experiences that led to one’s present state. Some people, including myself, have a tendency to be blinded by aspirations for future happiness and, thus, to neglect the present. However, satisfaction in the present is equally as vital to achieving a meaningful life as is preparation for future contentment.
A person determines the value of his life based upon the degree to which he meets his own personal aspirations. Such aspirations can involve material ambitions, such as wealth or success in an occupation, or mental goals, like the achievement of Nirvana by Buddhist monks. In addition, each individual’s aspirations are highly personal, unable to be fully comprehended by others. For example, a political dissident sees himself as living a fulfilling life by acting to correct social injustice, while a staunch conservative may view the dissident’s life as a hopeless rebellion against societal stability. Therefore, because one’s opinion regarding the value of a specific lifestyle is so subjective, people rarely share the same specific criteria for their own goals. The value of a life can only truly be determined by the person leading that life.
Nevertheless, as people mature, their outlooks on life and personal ambitions often change. For example, an adolescent may aim to achieve a dynamic sex life, spending hours working out after school and frequenting numerous parties on weekends. However, after exposure to the realities of the adult world upon searching for post-high school employment, the young adult may wish that he had valued scholastic success during his high school career. As an adolescent, he lived what he had previously seen as a meaningful life, but an alteration of his personal ideals resulted in a change in the perceived value of his past.
Therefore, in a way, humans are constantly evaluating the value of their lives at all different stages of their development. Due to ignorance regarding the facts of life, younger people may value ideals which they will regret following the attainment of wisdom through experience. However, at the time which a person holds such ideals, he sees himself as leading a valuable life in the pursuit of personal goals. At each step in a person’s maturation, the person sees meaning in his life in that he is striving to achieve his aspirations. While in life’s final stage, a person’s satisfaction with his past is derived from whether personal achievements for past goals are compatible with values obtained from a lifetime of acquiring worldly wisdom.
Upon reflecting on my own desires, certain personal goals become particularly evident to me. One aspiration on which I place particular importance is the realization of my intellectual potential. Over the course of my high school career, I have been preparing for admission into a respected college, entrance into a lucrative field of business, and, hopefully, life in a prosperous and comfortable household. However, my personal aspirations regarding my future career go beyond material goals. I often observe as adults in society lament the fact that they never “pushed” themselves as hard academically or financially as they should have, regretting that they were never able to reach their personal potential. I plan to continue to work towards fostering my mental and personal growth, reaching a high level of accomplishment in my future line of work. I hope not only to attain an affluent lifestyle through excelling in my career, but to attain the ability to reflect on my past and know that I achieved what I had set out to achieve.
While realizing my goals for my own potential, I also hope to win the respect of my peers. For some people, hope for the broad recognition of personal accomplishments extents to a desire for wide-ranging fame. In a way, these people hope to quash their personal uncertainty regarding the value of their abilities and achievements by receiving widespread laudation for their accomplishments. My own aspirations regarding winning the respect of others would be satisfied with a much smaller range of outside acknowledgement. As with those desiring fame, receiving admiration from others would help me to appreciate my success in achieving my own potential. However, winning the respect of my peers would give me a sense of contentment in my ability to positively influence others and to be a valuable member of society.
Individualism and the ability to dictate my own future represents another ideal which I hope to maintain during my life. All too often, people conform to society’s demands and expectations of them. I cannot begin to describe the number of times I have been told to become a doctor by family members, teachers, and other adults. As a result, at an earlier stage of my life, I truly believed that I would grow up to be a doctor. However, in recent years, I have grown to realize that I have not yet decided on a specific profession for my future. I may, one day, decide that I do wish to become a doctor. However, my decision will ultimately be based on my own desires and preferences rather than the suggestions of others. I value the fact that I will have the ability to determine individually the type of life which I want to lead.
While my personal ambitions are clearly important to me, I cannot ignore my desire for friendship and love throughout my lifetime. Love and relationships help to provide people with a sense of stability and social “belonging.” Receiving respect from colleagues for accomplishment in a profession gives people the knowledge that they are appreciated by society for their specific skills. However, people must also be made to feel that they are appreciated by society on a personal level. Both giving and receiving love make humans feel that they are valued by others not only for their abilities, but for their fundamental characteristics as human beings. Friendship and love are essential goals in the pursuit of a meaningful role in society.
Until this point, I have listed personal aspirations which are largely aimed at achieving self-contentment upon reaching life’s final stage rather than self-contentment in the present. For example, although realizing my abilities would be rewarding, it would require a good deal of labor and self-sacrifice, potentially detracting from my present level of happiness. Therefore, as a final personal goal, I hope to maintain a level of contentment regarding the present throughout all stages of my life. As an honors student, I have constantly had to refrain from spending time with friends or pursuing non-academic goals in order to complete my studies. Such decisions may have been beneficial for my future plans regarding college and career, but detracted from my current state of happiness. While achieving contentment with one’s past is unquestionably important, equally important is the enjoyment of the experiences that led to one’s present state. Some people, including myself, have a tendency to be blinded by aspirations for future happiness and, thus, to neglect the present. However, satisfaction in the present is equally as vital to achieving a meaningful life as is preparation for future contentment.
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